Humour

"I’m an atheist and I thank God for it."

"We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience."

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

"The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store."

"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."

"Today as always, men fall into two groups: slaves and free men."

"People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?"

"Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?"

"Never be bored, and you will never be boring."

"A cat will blink when struck with a hammer."

"I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes."