MARK TWAIN

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."

"A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it."

"Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often."

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

"Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary."

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."

"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."

"Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

"Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned."

"Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."

"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened."

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

"I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them."

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."

"I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

"If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it."

"If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be - a Christian."

"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed."

"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."

"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

"It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you."

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt."

"My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water."

"Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it."

"Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most."

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

"Obscurity and a competence - that is the life that is best worth living."

"Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident."

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

"Reality can be beaten with enough imagination."

"Hate is like acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored, and destroys the vessel in which it is poured."