MARK TWAIN

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."

"All right, then, I'll go to hell."

"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

"Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it."

"Hate is like acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored, and destroys the vessel in which it is poured."

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."

"Be good and you will be lonesome."

"Reality can be beaten with enough imagination."

"Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."

"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

"Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it."

"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."