"I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation."

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!"

"Actually, depravity can be terribly boring if you don't smoke or drink."

"Poor empty pants with nobody inside them."

"Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn't help if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up."

"Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed."