"Poor empty pants with nobody inside them."

"I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation."

"Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn't help if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up."

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!"

"Actually, depravity can be terribly boring if you don't smoke or drink."

"Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed."