Humour

"A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it."

"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."

"I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed."

"If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?"

"I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?"

"In heaven, all the interesting people are missing."

"I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes."

"V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love."

"He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches."

"Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?"

"Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up."

"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."