"One day, after practice, he came up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder, and as I turned around, he sucker-punched me and relocated my nose to the other side of my face. What up, Mr. Drum Captain? How's your drumming going, bro? Played any arenas lately?"

"I have a mouth and I'm not afraid to use it."

"I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues."

"Even when I'm trying to be straightforward and honest and my comments are innocent, inevitably they get turned into something sort of salacious."

"Insult me all you want. Judge me as much as you want. Say what you think, everything you want. But one thing. Dont touch my fans."

"I would never date a girl who is bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never sleep with a girl who had slept with a man."